It Doesn't Have to Be Perfect

I started to write my article on why I chose Hypnotherapy as a profession, when I shifted through something over the weekend, so I figured I'd talk about that instead. Here's the back story: My husband and I were working on a yard project and when we were done, it was less than perfect. I began to feel anxious and I wasn't sure why. When I checked in, I realized I was waiting for him to be upset that the project hadn't turned out exactly was intended.

When I told him this, he burst out laughing - not at me, but because he was truly bewildered that I would be worried about his feelings that it hadn't turned out perfectly. He explained he'd thought of it as an experiment - something we were doing together for the first time, and that he had no expectations of how it was supposed to work out.

So, I went within and asked where the idea came from that I was worried about perfection. As an elite gymnast, I was expected to work toward perfection. If a skill wasn't performed correctly there was always a chance we could get hurt. In my years as a gymnast, coaches often yelled at us, or took their frustrations out on us if we couldn't get something right. Some are better these days, but for me at the time, that was the norm.

It's amazing that we carry these small ideas with us for so many years. I can recall being upset with my now ex-husband when things didn't go according to plan, or when he'd get upset with me for the same reason. I recall other people projecting their idea of perfection at me in my first career, and how I tried to meet it. And I carried this burden for a long time.

As an author, I was told to polish my manuscripts until they shone or else it wouldn't get picked up by an agent or publisher. I wanted my kids to have what I didn't, so I strove to be the perfect parent. Think of other areas in your life where the idea is projected at us such employment bonuses contingent on performance excellence. When I was a coach, the success of my athletes meant success for me. So many things in my life fed into this idea of perfection, and that perfection meant success. And while I do enjoy a job well done, I find that the more of a peaceful life I create, the more the idea of perfection needs to go.

Life isn't always about waiting until the perfect time. It can be about doing the best job we can at any given time. This can also make a person anxious when our nervous system is overly concerned with being perfect, or needing things to be perfect in a certain way. We can get overly focused on an outcome, rather than enjoying an experience. When things don't go our way, we create the emotional pendulum swing from desire to despair, not reaching the peaceful middle.

Our healing isn't linear, and neither are our lives. We have ups and downs, we have unexpected things happen both that are good and some that we wish we didn't have to experience. And if we always wait for the perfect time to do something, we may end up not doing anything at all. Enjoying and learning from an experience are probably more important than being perfect. But for a nervous system like mine that is wired to strive for perfection, it takes some practice to settle into a new way of being. It can make me feel anxious when I don't get it right the first time, and I have to tell myself it's okay, that I'm okay, that's it's okay to learn and grow from an experience, and that I don't have to "get it right". Being open to learning a new way of doing things is key.

I've sat in on enough business seminars in the past few years that have a similar message: When you make pancakes, the first one is usually a f*ck up, but you keep going, and each one you make gets better and better. So, keep going. Keep learning. Keep experiencing and growing from each and every experience. And let me know if you need a little help because I've been there.

~Kellie

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